I’ve been sharing pretty openly about the transformative work that I’ve taken on . What I haven’t shared is all that I am doing in the present & how I’ve amped-up my practices to pry this pandora’s box (aka me) open. It is with good reason I don’t or haven’t, yet
& that’s because I am not ready.
While everything in me wants to spit on the topic of premature sharing of that which we feel forced to share, but aren’t actually ready to, I won’t. I won’t because this isn’t a share about that, but while I’ll deviate away from that topic for now, I do want to invite you to consider that question.
How much of you are you sharing because you want to? Because it feels ready, good, & like you to do it.
How much of you are you sharing because you feel like you have to?
Because of obligation, perception, or image-preservation.
I’ll let you ruminate on that & if you like, I invite you to share it… with your journal, friend, partner, me… however, whoever, and in whatever mode feels best. In the meantime, what I do want to share is something that I was recently asked to consider which brought a new, plentiful, awareness to life, about me, & what makes me tick.
The question is one that was posed by someone new that I’ve decided to work with. Someone that I wouldn’t categorize as your “typical support staff”, therapist, coach, or psychologist, because they do not dubb themselves as that. An avenue that I sought-out, felt intrinsically connected to, that I took upon myself to inquire (with this individual) about their skillset & all the ways that I saw working with them could benefit me, push me in a new way, & spoke to the fuller perspective of my personhood.
I share all of this with you because I think it is important to acknowledge that this person teaching me to open up to myself, is not someone who advertised their services as doing such & yet, here I am, opening, blossoming, & beginning to bloom like never before, as I work with them.
The question, which I promise is coming, is unlike any I’ve ever been asked to consider. It’s not about what do I want or what I want to change. Rather, it’s about what I like. It’s about my creativity. It is about my fire. It is about what my insides are like & what moves me or makes me tick. It’s about my numinosity.
Numinosity (numinous) is psychologically defined by Carl Jung as
Descriptive of persons, things, or situations having a deep emotional resonance, psychologically associated with experiences of the self.
Numinosity suggests that NOT ALL is meaningful to us, only that which we decide has meaning or that which generates meaning for us.
Learning about my own numinosity, seeing it, being in presence with it, has felt like a mental reprogramming, like someone showed up with a toolbox & rewired my brain from;
“It’s TERRIBLE to acknowledge how awesome it is to fully experience life as you are, & sharing what you LOVE, not just like, about you is a waste because no one likes a braggart.”
“Acknowledging how awesome you are, what you LOVE, not just like about you, is a TERRIBLE waste of a full life experience. Not to experience it would be the waste.”
I’ve seen such large AH-HA moments through this exploration & ask, that upon observing its significant impact on me, I knew I had to share it. Before I share what it is with you though, I do want to preemptively ask that you do not inhibit yourself in any way while answering. You allow yourself to stick to the rules, but play freely & honestly with them.
QUESTION: List the top 10 “things” (by category) that inspire you. The categorization is not prudent to generate awareness here. It is more so a safe-guard to ensure that you fully encapsulate who you are aka to help you not leave anything out. It’s not a restrictive measure. Rather, a way to get your brain thinking & focusing purely on you.
RULES: You can list as many as you like, but the top 10 must be those that are the most significant to you. Meaning, take no one & nothing else into consideration other than you while answering. Therefore, if you love a song because it was 1 that your Mom sang to you as a child, that doesn’t mean you forego listing that song. It means checking in & asking,
“Do I like this because my Mom liked to sing it?
Do I like it because it reminds me of when my Mom used to sing it, & therefore, while Mom liked the song, the fondness of that memory created a relationship to it that makes me like it too?
Am I listing that I like this song because it played all of the time growing up, but now that I think of it, I don’t actually like it?”
EXAMPLE: Being creative inspires me. Creativity, to me, means anything related to the arts. Therefore, my top 10 list of artistic creativity that inspires me looks like:
Top 10 Movies
Top 10 Songs
Top 10 Books
Top 10 Authors
Top 10 Live Performances
Top 10 Artists
My hope in sharing this is to showcase that self-discovery is fun. It’s not always like lifting a rock to find a giant snake that is waiting to bite you. It can be like that, for sure, & I won’t lie about that aspect of self-awareness.
There are often times when seeing our truth does feel alarming, like someone is jumping out from behind a dark corner & scares the literal shit out of you. That’s true. However, there are also moments when it feels so open, so free, so unrestricted, that in the real-time realization of yourself, you can feel you shift. For me, it’s like hearing doors unlock & open that had been previously undetected or completely disregarded, & that is exactly what this exercise did for me. It opened me up to seeing the contradictions & aliveness of me. To see that which I do care about (find value in) & that which I don’t care about (don’t find value in) in a way that felt good & like me to address it.
If this feels good to you, aligned within you, or you find you’re excited at the mere contemplation to take this on, I hope you allow yourself the opportunity to do it. To take this adventure into exploring your own numinosity & what it means to you. Whatever this exploration of self-discovery brings, I hope you let it.
Be Good to Yourself for Fuck’s Sake!